I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
this just has baby written all over it
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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