I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
