feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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