No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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