awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
