I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
