So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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