I would go down on you faster than GM stock
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
