I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize