I'm eating all of the evidence.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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