I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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