PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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