In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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