You work out of a Hotel?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
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