Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
