This is not my ceiling
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
