I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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