I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
