WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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