I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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