Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
