I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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