You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
