Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
