the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
