JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
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Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
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life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.