Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes. http://tfl.nu/c6y2
  Replies (9) Good night (1086) Bad night (948)
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  i permit you to call me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (575): i permit you to call me http://tfl.nu/5lhr
  Replies (4) Good night (1193) Bad night (690)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both

  (650): View more from California

  i think otters can do that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both (650): i think otters can do that http://tfl.nu/vhzk
  Replies (18) Good night (3441) Bad night (691)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."

  (1-608): View more from Wisconsin

  At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke." (1-608): At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account. (608): Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot. http://tfl.nu/k199
  Replies (66) Good night (4800) Bad night (1400)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely http://tfl.nu/wliv
  Replies (37) Good night (677) Bad night (4256)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries. http://tfl.nu/38u7
  Replies (10) Good night (1089) Bad night (3270)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this... http://tfl.nu/7jfd
  Replies (70) Good night (6424) Bad night (1408)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now. http://tfl.nu/42b8
  Replies (7) Good night (2789) Bad night (1004)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore http://tfl.nu/ro2x
  Replies (5) Good night (1495) Bad night (1021)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team. http://tfl.nu/f49a
  Replies (1) Good night (839) Bad night (1697)
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (308): And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night? http://tfl.nu/df5d
  Replies (7) Good night (2606) Bad night (892)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place http://tfl.nu/v09l
  Replies (1) Good night (1014) Bad night (675)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out. http://tfl.nu/y9bt
  Replies (2) Good night (1361) Bad night (441)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop http://tfl.nu/c36z
  Replies (0) Good night (564) Bad night (346)
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso http://tfl.nu/imwv
  Replies (3) Good night (348) Bad night (301)

Randomize