my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
