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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..

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• (718): View more from New York

  You don't think I'm weird or immature right?

  (917): View more from New York City

  No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets

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• (818): View more from California

  Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks

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  23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce

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• (727): View more from Florida

  remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.

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• (714): View more from California

  My liver just had a heart attack.

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• (858): View more from California

  I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.

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  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

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• (509): View more from Washington

  We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....

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• (915): View more from Texas

  I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you

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