WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
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Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
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Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.