we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.