Where is the hickey?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Life is so much better after having sex.
birth control should be required to get into college
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Randomize
