i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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