Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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