i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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