Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
