I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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