i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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