apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
