Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
