my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
BRING THE BAGELS
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
