the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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