i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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