At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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