Jerry, you need to find god
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
home. puking in laundry basket.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
