I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize