As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
