He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
