I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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