I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
