I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
