woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I am naked and annoyed.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
