My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
How does it feel to date your dad?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
