I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
