im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
