i think my tv is drunk
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
