Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Come on in and take your pants off
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