can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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