Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
