Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
