I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
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I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize