i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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