new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
