I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
