i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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