Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
