Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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