I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
