WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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