no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
