lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
